(My psychology friends may have a whole field day with this one)
The beauty of having your own website is you can say things that are personal, but know people can relate to so this is what I’m doing.
The NJF is a persona I created because I always felt inadequate. There it is. I said it. The NJF is an unrealistic approximation of what I think the most toxic version of me would be.
Truthfully, the imaginary life The NJF has lived is pretty exciting. But I believe that was always the point. I needed that fantastical version of myself to make me feel more like more than what I was.
So who am I? Well, Nicholas has always been an insecure loner riddled with crippling social and actual anxiety. I always think everyone hates me and need constant reassurance to the contrary. Let me rephrase. I think everyone hates me and I often need people to tell me they don’t.
I don’t know if I feel alone in thinking that way, but it’s how I feel.
But The NJF feels none of that. Most people legitimately know the exhausting character that goes by that name and not the actual me. That’s by design though.
Without me being this persona and all that comes with it, I don’t do what’s needed to be moderately successful as I have been so far. That aspect of my personality has been sociable ENOUGH to get me friends that’ll last me a lifetime and associates to help me advance professionally.
HOWEVER, there are those who’ve met The NJF and do not like that guy. He’s kind of a jerk. I’ve literally gotten home some days in the past 15 years and questioned The NJF on his decisions and the way he talks to people. It just happens. It’s not right. But it just happens.
Now I bet you‘ve read all this and think I’m about to say I hate The NJF, but actually I see the persona as a necessary evil.
I’ve had to be this way. Honestly, I’m natural docile. When I get in large groups and have to speak, I always say, “I’m shy,” people laugh and take it as a joke, and then I start my performance. But I’m being so honest in that moment it’s ridiculous. Nicholas is shy and afraid. The NJF is a performer. We just so happen to occupy the same body.
So as I attempt to get the True Comedy brand to grow, I need you to know that I am scared. I’m scared of no’s. I’m scared people won’t find Kirstan and me funny. I’m scared that all of my effort will be pointless.
But most of all, I’m scared The NJF has not given Nicholas a fair chance to succeed. We need people and I think just cause of how harsh The NJF acts, he’s tarnished the brand before it gets off the ground.
I’ve rambled long enough. Thank you all for reading and for those who can actually tell the differences in the personalities. Sorry you’ve had to deal with all that.
Continue to like and subscribe to the podcast on your favorite platforms. Set an alarm to listen every Tuesday even if it’s just for a minute. Every listen helps.
Until next time, take care.
WAIT. Here’s a song below that makes me happy.